I started my journey away from Utah with a cup of hot chocolate from City Cakes and Cafe. My barista, Emily, decided to write me a message to send me on my way. There might be a grammar error on the cup, but the sentiment is what matters in this instance.
When The issue isn't the issue
Have you ever had an argument with someone close to you that wasn’t actually about what you were addressing? It is an old rom-com shtick. The man and woman are arguing about the name on the ketchup label, whether the toilet paper should be over or under, whether or not the tube of toothpaste should be squeezed from the bottom or the middle or some other equally inane thing.
However, what they are really arguing about is something deeper that neither one really knows how to address. It is usually something that happened a while ago and something so traumatic that it made the couple stop being able to communicate on that one issue – something like infidelity or the death of a child where one parent blames the other. Because they cannot and have not discussed the hurt and pain, they cannot forgive each other, and every little thing becomes representative of the larger but hidden issue.
That is where the United States stands today after the shooting of Mike Brown. Trust has been broken if it ever existed. People do not trust the government to do the right thing. They do not trust the justice system to do the right thing. They do not trust the police officers to make right choices. Without that trust, there can be no reconciliation. There can be no logic, and there can be no benefit of the doubt.
Right now, no one really knows what happened. We may never know what happened. People are wasting time and energy addressing an issue that is not the issue. They are using the Mike Brown shooting as the issue while confusing it with what the anger is actually about. Darren Wilson may have been perfectly right in his handling of the situation, or he may have been a racist a—hole. Until we know more, we are wasting energy.
Our only hope is that people will be willing to figure out what the problem is – and I am going to go with institutional racism, economic inequality and/or the frustration of disenfranchisement and hopelessness. The problem is that no one is able to rationally discuss these issues with anyone else. They are so vast, so ingrained and so much a part of our society, that it is hard to address in any form that makes since, especially if people do not have the ability to step back and look at it logically and without the anger and hate.
At some point, we need to put down the words of hate, and we need to pick up the words that may hurt but that are truthful. We need to open our ears to those words, and we all need to open our hearts to each other. By holding the best interest of the person that we are speaking to in our words, we can ensure that we are dealing with that person in love, and that person can be sure that we do not intend harm by our words. When this heartful communication takes the place of the hateful communication of accusations and actions that cause harm, the United States may find itself in a stronger position than it has ever been.
Martin Luther King Jr.’s words have never been more needed. He had a dream that all of God’s children would be able to join hands and sing free at last. Let’s move toward that dream and address the real issues rather than allow these moments in our history to become flashpoints where people loot and police use force and we never see any improvement.
However, what they are really arguing about is something deeper that neither one really knows how to address. It is usually something that happened a while ago and something so traumatic that it made the couple stop being able to communicate on that one issue – something like infidelity or the death of a child where one parent blames the other. Because they cannot and have not discussed the hurt and pain, they cannot forgive each other, and every little thing becomes representative of the larger but hidden issue.
That is where the United States stands today after the shooting of Mike Brown. Trust has been broken if it ever existed. People do not trust the government to do the right thing. They do not trust the justice system to do the right thing. They do not trust the police officers to make right choices. Without that trust, there can be no reconciliation. There can be no logic, and there can be no benefit of the doubt.
Right now, no one really knows what happened. We may never know what happened. People are wasting time and energy addressing an issue that is not the issue. They are using the Mike Brown shooting as the issue while confusing it with what the anger is actually about. Darren Wilson may have been perfectly right in his handling of the situation, or he may have been a racist a—hole. Until we know more, we are wasting energy.
Our only hope is that people will be willing to figure out what the problem is – and I am going to go with institutional racism, economic inequality and/or the frustration of disenfranchisement and hopelessness. The problem is that no one is able to rationally discuss these issues with anyone else. They are so vast, so ingrained and so much a part of our society, that it is hard to address in any form that makes since, especially if people do not have the ability to step back and look at it logically and without the anger and hate.
At some point, we need to put down the words of hate, and we need to pick up the words that may hurt but that are truthful. We need to open our ears to those words, and we all need to open our hearts to each other. By holding the best interest of the person that we are speaking to in our words, we can ensure that we are dealing with that person in love, and that person can be sure that we do not intend harm by our words. When this heartful communication takes the place of the hateful communication of accusations and actions that cause harm, the United States may find itself in a stronger position than it has ever been.
Martin Luther King Jr.’s words have never been more needed. He had a dream that all of God’s children would be able to join hands and sing free at last. Let’s move toward that dream and address the real issues rather than allow these moments in our history to become flashpoints where people loot and police use force and we never see any improvement.